Who Pays on the First Date? // The Gay Dater // 3 Tips for a good date

First dates! Most of us experience them at some point. For the most, they have been in the “neutral” to “pleasant” ranges. However, the ones that seem to impact me the most are the worst ones. I sat down with Jo to discuss our first date experiences and created a 3 quick tips for a good first date.

Tip #1: Go to a place you can talk

On a first date, the general priority is to figure out who this perfect stranger is. Hopefully you’ve built up a rapport with the person but want to make sure he’s how he was in his profile, isn’t insane and if this will go much further. Pick a place with proper lighting so you don’t miss that snaggle tooth. And a place that is lively and exciting because there’s always a quiet awkward moment (bonus: if it gets too loud and it’s going well, it’s a great way to segue to a more intimate venue like a lounge or bar) and for God sake make sure the place is NOT a movie theater. No talking is ever done in a dark theater. Trust me.

Tip #2: Watch your vices

Most people enjoy a little drink from time to time (or a smoke 😏)  Nerves can absolutely get the best of you. Take a little swig beforehand or a glass with dinner if they also oblige to take the edge off. Or a little toke of you can handle it. The key is: don’t get sloppy. Don’t do what Guy #32 did on our first date and order a full bottle of red, binge drink it before our entrees came, be way too drunk to remember where you parked your car, and try to make out with me. Was not a good look. Additionally, had I been a major skeezebag, someone can take advantage of your vulnerable state.

Tip #3: Have an out

Yes I’m 29 and I still play this silly game. But it’s because I find more benefits from it than not. I almost always have a reason to cut the night short by something that is either *cough* a lie *cough* or soft plans with someone or something else. Even if the date goes well, it’s a great way to reflect on the person sans intimate feelings. On that note, it ensures you don’t give into temptation and bone on the first date. And finally, IMO people do appreciate it when you have other things going on in your life, it adds a layer of complexity to your first impression. As a bonus note, have an emergency contact that you can text in the bathroom who will call you when you get back to the date to zip out if it’s the worst date of all time.

I’m single. I have experience. Listen to me.

What have been some of your best dates? Worst? Sound off in the comments below! 


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Coming Out with My Brother // Perspectives // National Coming Out Day

I was 18 years old when I came out to my little brother. Hmmm…actually I don’t know if I could call it coming out when I was accidentally outed by one of my best friends (at the time). At that time, I had built up a small tight circle of people who I had already come out to but my little brother was not one of them. I’m not sure why since we had a very close relationship. Maybe it had to do with the shame that came along with being gay and the fear of potential influence (not realizing at that time that sexuality is not as connected to nurture as we had once believed). But it happened and his response was nothing but positive. I look back at how young he was at the time and understanding what it could have meant to him (especially him being a young male teenager) and am even more impressed with his reaction.

As years went on, my little brother became my one of my biggest champions. Even though he was 5 years my junior he never laid ignorance as an excuse to blurt out homophobic things or allow for that behavior like many “allies” sometimes do.

If ever there was an opportunity for education, he took it upon himself to inquire respectfully. He still does it to this day. And even though there are some things he never cared to understand (my overly sexualized personal experiences for example lol) he still found a way to respect who I am and saw well beyond my sexuality.

My brother was by my side when I came out to both my parents (at two separate instances). I didn’t realize until later how much it helped to calm me knowing he was there in those anxiety ridden moments.

These are traits of a true ally. It does not necessarily mean someone who will hold a flag with you at a pride parade or come to drag queen night at a gay bar. Well, maybe those things can be included, but they are never necessary. To me an ally is a person who cares about you, beyond your sexuality. Someone who if they have questions they will ask to better understand. Someone who will stand up for you if you ever feel threatened, period. Someone who allows you to feel supported at whatever capacity they can give.

I am truly lucky to have my brother in my life because I know that mine isn’t the most common experience on a global scale. Here is a candid podcast I did for the Perspectives series where he joins me to tell his side of the story. Enjoy:

What have your coming out experiences been like? Sound off in a comment below!


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The Do’s and Don’ts of Online Dating // The Gay Dater //

Calling all single ladies! Online dating seems to be the only way to meet anyone nowadays. And through my own personal trials and tribulations have succumbed to the fact that this is my new sad reality. Between be getting off Grindr (and then back on…smh) I haven’t had too much success with it. So why not give everyone advice as to how to do it?

I sit down with a brand new voice for TSG, Jo to talk about her thoughts on online dating.

What are your thoughts on online dating? Sound off in a comment below!


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Horoscope Compatibility // Dating Deal Breakers //

‘He’s such a Leo.’
‘Of course you didn’t work out – he’s a Taurus.’

These are common phrases that the love lost usually hear at some point of time.

Horoscopes, whether you believe in them or not are a swaying factor for many people when it comes to relationship compatibility…or are they?

I discuss this with my good friend Emma Jane and uncover if we think horoscope compatibility is a dating deal breaker.

What are your thoughts on horoscope compatibility? Sound off in a comment below!


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Why I Got Back on GRINDR // The Gay Dater //

So this is directly connected to my last podcast where I explained why I decided to get off Grindr. I recorded them back to back while I was in Europe. And long story short, the reason was…because I was in Europe! Take a listen:

What are your thoughts on online dating sites/apps? Was I justified? Should I have gotten back on Grindr? Sound off in a comment below!


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Hugging my one and only mama after coming out to her in 2015.

Mother // Perspectives //

Happy Mother’s Day ya’ll! Now I was feeling particularly festive this year and decided to start (another) series. This one is called, Perspectives and I am hoping to interview a variety of people with varied outlooks to have an open conversation to understand their point of view.

In this first episode of Perspectives, I talk to my good old mom to try to understand what it felt like after I came out to her, what she fears, and she even gives some advice to kids and parents on how to approach your gay child.


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