So this is something I’m really looking forward to covering in a few conversations because I really think there are a lot of layers to this idea of following hetero-normative social constructs including relationships, parenting, and marriage. Something is a-brewin’…stay tuned.
I am in the wedding season in my life, and by that I mean my close friends who are couples are now getting married. Huzzah. Love is awesome.
I remember watching the HBO show Looking in Season 1, Episode 7, the main character Patrick (who is gay) attends his sisters wedding. At the very end as he watches his sister dancing, his dad looks over and says to him, “You’re not going to want one of these, are you?”
It got me thinking about my own path and how as a social construct, weddings were made to formalize the union between two people (and way back it was to really marry the relationship of two families and their estates).
Now, everyone in Canada can get married and before I came out to myself I too wanted the big wedding and white picket fence with a wife, 2 kids and a dog. (I personally still want those things – just switch out the woman with the man of my dreams and we’re set.)
However, being single for the past 7 years really makes you wonder about weddings and the actual need for them. Why do I want it? Is it because everyone is doing it? Is it to check off a box? Is it to say that I could do it? Knowing my personality, its probably the latter. I’m the type of person that if told something can’t be done, I will be damned if I don’t at least try my hand at it. But, that isn’t enough of a reason. Because same sex pairings are only just now mainstream, we are a traditionless grouping in society. We are technically not bound by any “ideals” of how to be as a queer individual. We have nothing to look up to which could make us rule breakers or natural non conformists.
I think at the end of the day, the intentions for a marriage and to have a wedding should only have one core motivation: It is you and the one you love who want to officiate their union for themselves and for the community that supports them. That is all. However grand or simple is just the frills. You get married because you’re in love.
What are your thoughts on this?